So I took the Love/Hate challenge and added an important caveat for myself. I had to dig deeper, and write about one love and one hate. For my hate I chose Meeting New People. I was going to write a story about this, portray all the feelings this produces, but I thought it would be best to write a non-fiction piece first to explore this odd loathing of mine.
Ever since I can remember having to introduce myself to people has been a struggle. I fidget, I ummm, and I cannot ever seem to formulate a sentence properly in those first somewhat crucial moments. I have struggled with this since I was quite young and mostly attribute it to my somewhat painful shyness around new people. I have never been particularly comfortable chatting casually or making friends by just walking up and saying hey. I get flustered and stumble on my tongue, which is rather eloquent when discussing deep subjects of philosophy, history, politics, science, etc. But when I must say “Hello, my name is…” and initiate a conversation with a stranger, it’s like I suddenly have a spell of dumbness cast upon me.
I have struggled to fix this over the years, and have gotten a little better at it. However, I still find myself overthinking introductions and saying too much, not enough, or the worst one for me, cobbling ten different thoughts into a single introduction and making no sense whatsoever. I also have a tendency, upon introducing myself, to be too intense, too fast. I like intensity, I am an intense person. If we’re introduced and you seem interesting, I want to know every detail about you and want to share my details with you. I want to delve into what makes us tick and discuss topics at length. That has succeeded over the years in scaring off or at least pushing away a lot of people.
This is one of my hates because it is a character flaw of mine. It is something I have to improve so I can make new friends and keep them by virtue of not letting my tendency to babble during introductions overtake my generally level head.
Since sitting down to write this I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to add this to a general list I have going of self-improvement goals. I need to practice just introducing myself to other people. I need to practice so I can be comfortable with this on the outside, even if I’m blundering around awkwardly on the inside. This blog is actually helping with this problem in a way because it has forced me to introduce myself to the internet at large and all of you my lovely readers. Hopefully, with a bit of work and a whole lot of dedication I can turn this hate into a love.
May the Words be with you!